


we finally got it all right

by superhoney



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 3/4 Pining 1/4 Smut, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Bathing/Washing, Blow Jobs, Bottom Dean, Drunken confessions of love, First Time, Fluff, Happy Ending, Huddling For Warmth, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, PWP: Pining Without Plot, Roommates, Sharing a Bed, Top Castiel, Underage Drinking, deancastropefest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-08-13 07:16:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7967491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superhoney/pseuds/superhoney
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Castiel are roommates. They’re best friends. Things are great the way they are. Except for the part where they’re in love with each other, but they’re both too scared to ruin their friendship by admitting it-- until one night of lowered defences, lowered inhibitions, and lowered body temperature turns into something neither of them was expecting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my entry for the Dean/Cas Tropefest Challenge 2016. It's been a treat.
> 
> Huge thank-you to my amazing artist, Izulkowa, for her beautiful artwork for this story.
> 
> Thank you to my beta, Anna a.k.a [teacass](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Fushigi/pseuds/teacass) , for her keen eyes and supportive commentary.
> 
> Thank you to the mods of this challenge, Jojo and muse, who have been, in a word, stellar. 
> 
> And thank you to all the other participants in the challenge's Twitter chat, for all the love and support and delightful conversation.
> 
> Title from Sara Bareilles' song I Choose You. 
> 
> Just a quick heads up that a character does get fairly intoxicated in this story. No sexual activity takes place while he's in this state, and he's still in control of his actions, just a bit less inhibited than normal.

  


Friday night was pizza night. 

It had been for the past year and a half, for as long as Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester had been roommates. It started on the first day they met, when Castiel tentatively stuck his head into his assigned room and was greeted by Dean’s welcoming grin. He had breathed a sigh of relief at the friendliness in the other boy’s expression, and after Dean helped Castiel move his belongings into the room, they had skipped the cafeteria and gone out in search of the nearest pizza place. And then done the same thing the next Friday, and the Friday after that, until it became their little tradition. No matter what plans either of them had, pizza night came first. It could be moved earlier or later in the evening as necessary, but it had never been cancelled.

Which was why Castiel was so confused. It was five-thirty in the afternoon, on a chilly December day in the middle of finals, and Dean still wasn’t home. Cas knew that he had an exam, but it was supposed to have ended at five o’clock, and Dean almost never took the full amount of allotted time to write his exams. Unlike Cas, who would double and triple check his answers until the last minute, Dean preferred to get everything he knew out onto the page, give it a quick once-over, then hand it in and never look back. Their dorm room was only about five minutes away from the Engineering building where the exam was taking place, so where was Dean?

Castiel was just debating sending the other boy a text to check in when the door opened and Dean came barreling in. 

“The conquering hero returns!” he exclaimed dramatically, pulling off his knitted hat and grinning brightly at Cas. 

Cas rolled his eyes affectionately. After a year and a half of living together, he was well used to Dean’s antics.

“So, the exam went well, then?” he asked. 

Dean flopped down onto the couch in their small living area, looking over at Cas where he sat at the table with his books spread out in front of him. 

“It went very well,” Dean said smugly. “Just took a bit longer that unusual, that’s all. I guess these second-year courses are just that much more intense than our freshman stuff.”

“That does seem to be the point, yes,” Castiel said drily. Dean threw a glove at him, and then pouted when it sailed right past Cas without hitting him. “I was worried you had gotten lost or something,” he continued. “Since it took you so long to get back.”

“Aww, were you worried about me?” Dean said, fluttering his eyelashes. “That’s so sweet.”

Cas felt a blush rising in his cheeks. “I just didn’t want to have to go for pizza by myself,” he said haughtily. Just play along, he told himself. It was easy to trade banter back and forth with Dean. They did it all the time. What wasn’t so easy was pretending that these semi-flirtatious exchanges were meaningless. Pretending that Dean’s smiles didn’t make his heart beat a little bit faster in his chest. 

Cas had been in love with Dean for almost as long as they had been having pizza night, for almost as long as they had been roommates. And when Dean came home like this, cheeks rosy from the cold, eyes bright from a successful exam, and full of that irrepressible energy, Cas found it very, very hard to pretend that they were just good friends. 

There had been moments when Cas thought maybe they could be something more. A lingering glance when he wore a certain t-shirt that fit his body like a glove, or the way Dean became more and more comfortable with physical displays of affection. The way Dean told him about his hopes and dreams in a quiet voice that Cas never heard him use with anyone else. 

But despite these little things, Cas was nearly certain that they would never move into a romantic or sexual relationship, all thanks to a situation involving their friends Charlie and Dorothy. The two girls were good friends with both Cas and Dean, having lived on the same floor in their first year dorm. A few months into the year, Charlie and Dorothy started sleeping together. They weren’t in a relationship, and they both saw other people, but they weren’t just roommates anymore. Cas had shrugged, figuring that they could do what they wanted as long as neither of them ended up hurt. Dean, however, had felt differently about the matter.

“That is such a bad idea,” he had said to Cas after they went back to their room the night Charlie and Dorothy told them about the shift in their relationship. “They have to live with each other for the rest of the year. Way too much potential for something to go wrong, you know?”

And so Castiel learned exactly what Dean thought about roommates becoming something more. Of course, that had in no way helped him get over his crush. It just made him aware of how hopeless it was.

“I’m starving,” Dean announced from the couch, interrupting Cas’ train of thought. 

“Give me five minutes to finish this section of my study guide, then we can go for pizza,” he replied. It was important to balance studying with breaks for nourishment.

Dean sighed and curled into the couch, not exactly looking like he planned on going anywhere. “It’s so cold out there, though,” he complained. “I’m just starting to warm up again.”

“Dean, it’s not even a ten minute walk,” Cas said. “Put on an extra sweater, you’ll be fine.”

“Says you, who’s been cozy in here with your books all day,” Dean grumbled. Cas fought to hide a smile. You would almost think Dean had come to Lawrence from California or some other warmer climate based on the way he reacted to cold weather. But no, Dean was Kansas born and bred. Cas, who had grown up in Illinois, wasn’t particularly bothered by the weather. He just made sure to dress accordingly and dealt with it like a responsible adult.

“Do you want to order in instead?” Cas offered. He would have liked to go out. It would make a nice change of scenery. But if Dean wanted to stay in, he would agree. He would do pretty much anything to make Dean happy, and he didn’t care if that made him seem like a pushover. 

“No,” Dean said, pulling himself up off the couch and rolling his neck from side to side. Cas watched, entranced by the way Dean’s shoulders moved. “Let’s go. All that warm, melty cheesy goodness will be totally worth it.”

Cas put down his highlighters and closed his laptop. His next exam was on Monday, but then he had two more that week as well. He had a lot of studying to do, but pizza night came first, like it always did. He ducked into his bedroom to grab a sweater, then met Dean by the door and started adding layers. Coat, gloves, scarf and hat all went on. 

“Ready?” he asked Dean, who was similarly bundled up. 

“Ready,” Dean confirmed. 

They locked their door behind them and went down the two flights of stairs to the main lobby. 

As soon as they stepped outside, Cas felt the bite of the wind even through his layers of clothing. He looked over and saw Dean smirking at him triumphantly. 

“Bet you thought I was just being dramatic again, huh,” Dean said. “Nope, it’s actually really freaking cold out today.”

“Yes, good for you, Dean, you can accurately sum up weather conditions,” Cas said, increasing his pace slightly. The faster they walked, the warmer they would be, and the sooner they would arrive at Amelio’s. The little pizza parlour was a favourite among KU students because it was cheap, close to campus, and served some of the best pizza in the city. 

Fortunately, they arrived just after six o’clock, meaning that they could still get a table without waiting. Amelio’s was a tiny basement-level restaurant owned by an older Italian couple and mostly staffed by students. One of their regular servers, Garth, brought Dean and Cas over to a table against the far wall. The boys began the long process of removing their cold-weather gear before taking their seats. They didn’t even bother with menus, and as soon as Garth dropped off two glasses of water, they placed their order for a large deluxe pizza to share between them.

“It smells like heaven in here,” Dean announced. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, a slow smile spreading across his face. “I wish I could bottle this smell up and wear it like perfume.”

“That would go over well with the ladies, I’m sure,” Cas said. “Or the gents. Or whoever.”

Dean smirked at him. “Like you wouldn’t want a man who smelled this good,” he retorted. “Just think about it. You walk into class one day, and it’s all you can smell. You think it’s someone’s lunch, but then nope, it’s the cute guy sitting next to you.”

“That would only make me wonder about his commitment to personal hygiene,” Cas said. 

Dean laughed and stuck his nose up in the air, mocking Cas’ haughty tone. “Commitment to personal hygiene is very important, young man,” he said, wagging a finger in Cas’ face. “But so is pizza.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” Cas said fondly. Dean was in high spirits tonight, and it was a beautiful thing to see. Even if Dean never felt anything more than friendship towards him, Cas would always be grateful for nights like this. 

Dean shrugged and took a sip of his water. “It’s Friday, I’m not out in the cold anymore, I’ve got my best friend with me, we’re waiting on pizza, and I only have one more exam on Monday, then I’m done for the semester,” he listed off. “All good reasons to get a little bit ridiculous, don’t you think?”

“Yes,” Cas said, “but seeing as I have three exams left next week, I’m afraid I can’t match your enthusiasm.”

Dean frowned at him. “You’re gonna ace them,” he said, reaching across the table to give Cas’ shoulder a squeeze. “You’re a genius, man.”

“Thank you,” Cas said, “but that doesn’t give me an excuse to not study. Mother and Father expect my grades to stay high, and I know I coasted through most of my freshman classes. This year has been a bit more challenging. I can’t start slacking now.”

“Well, whenever you want, I can quiz you on stuff,” Dean offered. “I won’t understand half of it, mind you, but I can use your study guides or whatever.”

Cas smiled gratefully at him. Dean was so generous with his time and his support. Even though he was majoring in Mechanical Engineering and Cas in Comparative Literature, Dean was always willing to help Cas out, whether by quizzing him or by checking over his essays for the little typing errors Cas was prone to making. 

Their pizza arrived, and Dean whistled appreciatively as Garth set it down in the middle of the table. 

“What a beauty,” he said. Garth grinned at them. 

“Anything else I can get you guys?” he asked, astoundingly cheerful considering how busy he was. 

“No, we’re good, thanks,” Cas said. 

“Enjoy!” Garth said, then darted off to take care of another table.

Dean was already chewing on his first bite of pizza, his eyes half-closed in pleasure. “So good,” he mumbled. 

Cas took a much smaller bite, and made a noise of agreement. There was a reason they kept coming back here week after week, and it wasn’t just because it was close to their dorm. They finished their dinner pretty quickly, chatting about their exams and their plans for the upcoming holidays. Cas would be leaving for his family home in Illinois the following Wednesday, as soon as he finished his last exam that morning. He wasn’t exactly looking forward to going home to spend the holidays with his distant father and his stern mother, but it would be nice to see his younger sisters Anna and Hael again. He missed them. But vacation also meant two weeks without Dean, and that wasn’t something that Cas was looking forward to at all.

Just as they were each finishing their last slice of the pizza, Cas heard a familiar voice calling out Dean’s name. He looked up to see Victor and Jo, two of Dean’s friends from the Engineering program, all bundled up in their winter coats. He couldn’t tell if they were coming or going. 

“Hey!” Dean said, turning to greet them with a bright smile. “How’s it going, guys?”

“Awesome,” Victor said, giving Cas a friendly nod. Though he wasn’t particularly close to Dean’s friends from his program, they were always nice enough to him. “I’m all done for the semester, so it’s time to celebrate, man!”

“You too?” Dean asked, looking at Jo. 

She nodded enthusiastically. “Last one was this afternoon,” she replied. “We just finished dinner, and we’re heading over to Benny’s. You guys wanna join us?”

Cas looked down at his plate, trying to hide the frown on his face. Benny was another friend of Dean’s from the Engineering program. He was a junior this year, and Cas had long suspected that he harboured feelings for Dean. Dean never mentioned anything happening between them, and he was usually pretty open about his sexual exploits, but Cas couldn’t help feeling a little bit jealous of the other man. It didn’t help that even he had to admit that Benny was attractive. 

“Absolutely,” Dean said, “that sounds awesome. What about you, Cas? You in?”

Cas knew that Jo’s invitation was in earnest. They got along very well, in fact, both of them being rather sharp-tongued. But he didn’t particularly want to spend an evening watching Dean and Benny and wondering about the two of them. Besides, he really did have studying to do.

“I don’t think so,” he said, putting more regret in his voice than he actually felt. “I’ve still got three exams next week. I should probably take advantage of the quiet room and get some studying done.”

“Oh come on, it’s Friday night!” Victor said.

“Yeah, and you spent all day studying,” Dean said, a hint of pleading in his voice. “Come hang out with us, Cas. I promise we won’t get drunk and build shit out of beer cans.”

“Dean, what are you talking about, that’s what every single party at Benny’s turns into,” Jo said.

Dean sighed. “Okay, fine, we probably will do that,” he admitted. “But you should still come, Cas!”

Cas shook his head. “No, thank you,” he said firmly. “You go on ahead with them, Dean. Have fun for the both of us.”

“You sure?” Dean asked. “Want me to walk you back to the dorm first? I can meet up with these guys at Benny’s place after.”

Cas laughed. “I think I know the way home from here,” he joked. “I’ve made the trek a million times before.”

“Okay,” Dean said, though he still looked a little doubtful. He left some cash on the table to cover his half of the bill and a generous tip for Garth, then got up and started putting his layers back on. Jo and Victor wished him good luck with his studying, and then the three of them left. Cas drained the last of his water and waved Garth over to pay him, then got ready to leave as well. He could see a line forming near the door, and he knew someone else would need the table.

The walk back to the dorms felt even colder without Dean there beside him. 

Cas unlocked the door to their little suite and flicked on the lights. He took off his outerwear, but left the extra sweater on. The heat in their building was unpredictable, and he was still chilled from walking home. He put the kettle on, incredibly grateful that second-year students got access to the suite-style dorms with their living rooms and kitchenettes, meaning he had somewhere to make tea at any time of day. He brewed himself a nice cup of Earl Grey and brought the steaming mug back to the table, where all his course materials were still scattered from earlier in the day. With a heavy sigh, he opened up his laptop and continued working on his study guide. 

\-----------------

Several hours and multiple cups of tea later, Cas put down his highlighter and exhaled noisily. He had condensed all of his notes from the semester into a beautifully-organized and typed study guide for his favourite class, Religious Themes in 20th-century European Literature. That exam was on Monday, so he was glad he had chosen to work on it first. Now he just had to repeat the process for his two other courses. He sighed wearily and checked the time on his laptop. He was shocked to see that it was almost midnight. 

“Time for bed,” he said to himself. He put all of his notes back in his room, and had just finished changing into his pyjamas when he heard the door open. Sticking his head out from his room, he saw Dean standing in the doorway. “Hello, Dean,” he said. “Have fun?”

Dean nodded, or at least Cas thought it was a nod. He was shivering so much that it was hard to tell. Frowning, Cas came out of his room and realized that Dean wasn’t wearing his hat or his gloves. 

“Dean, what the hell,” he said, more concerned than angry. “Where are your gloves and hat?”

Dean smiled at him, but his teeth chattered. “Gave ‘em to a homeless guy,” he managed to say. “Walking home from Benny’s. Guy was outside on a night like this, couldn’t just leave him there.”

Cas shook his head in frustration. Leave it to Dean to do something so selfless and yet stupid. He had a good heart, but he tended to make rash decisions, particularly when he had been drinking. And it was a much longer walk back from Benny’s apartment than it was from the pizza place. If Dean had given away his hat and gloves early in the trek, no wonder he looked so cold.

“You should take a warm shower,” Cas suggested. 

Dean groaned and started to slide towards the ground. Damnit. He was obviously more drunk than Cas had initially assumed. Who had let him walk home alone like this? Cas should have been there with him, to watch out for him. He knew that the Engineering parties got a bit rowdy. He could have at least called them a cab. Dean hated taking cabs, though. If he couldn’t drive his own car, the ‘67 Impala that was his pride and joy, then he would rather walk. Even in this weather, and even this drunk.

Cas pulled Dean back to his feet and guided him towards the bathroom. “Come on,” he said, tugging lightly at Dean’s hoodie. “Take this off.” 

He busied himself turning on the shower so it would have time to warm up before Dean got under the spray. The water heater in the building was good once it got going, but it always took a few minutes to get truly hot. 

Cas turned back around to leave the bathroom, and he almost fell over himself, he was so surprised. While he had been adjusting the temperature in the shower, Dean had rid himself of all of his layers, and was standing there completely naked, his arms still wrapped around himself. Cas swallowed and tried to keep his eyes above Dean’s shoulders. Tried not to notice the stark black lines of the pentagram tattoo over Dean’s heart, or the way his arms were crossed over his midsection, drawing the eye to what was beneath them. 

“Dean,” he said weakly. They had seen each other shirtless often enough, after all this time living in close proximity, but this was completely different. Dean didn’t even appear to have heard him, though. He just brushed past Cas like it was nothing and stepped into the shower. His arms dropped from around his waist to scrub through his hair, and Cas hastily turned away, his face burning. He had dreamed about seeing Dean naked, but this wasn’t exactly the way he wanted things to go. He knew he should probably leave the room, but he was still a bit concerned. Dean hadn’t seemed too steady on his feet, and Cas didn’t want him to slip and fall. 

Just as he was thinking that, Cas heard a squeaking noise and turned back to see Dean steadying himself with a hand on the wall. 

“Dean?” he asked tentatively, unsure if the other boy could hear him over the sound of the water. “Are you okay?”

Dean turned and looked at him, but even that little movement sent him sliding forward again. “Not so great,” he said faintly. 

“Umn,” Cas said. “Can I help, at all?” He wasn’t sure exactly what he was offering, but Dean looked so forlorn, barely able to keep himself upright enough to let the water warm him as intended.

“C’mere,” Dean mumbled, using his head to indicate the space beside him. “Cas.”

Cas licked his suddenly dry lips. You can do this, he said to himself. Just helping out a friend. A friend who is very cold, and very intoxicated. He didn’t want to get his pyjamas wet, but he didn’t think he could be naked at the same time as Dean and keep things platonic, so he stripped down to his boxers and stepped into the shower behind Dean, grabbing him by both shoulders to keep him steady. 

Dean sighed and relaxed, letting his body fall back slightly into Castiel’s embrace. Cas swallowed nervously and rubbed his hands gently up and down Dean’s arms, trying to get the blood flowing properly through his limbs. Dean made a noise of contentment that Cas wished he could record and keep forever. He couldn’t get enough of the feeling of Dean’s skin under his hands, slick with water and beautifully firm under his touch. More to distract himself than because it actually needed to be done, Cas grabbed the shampoo and poured some into his hand, then worked it through Dean’s hair. 

Dean was practically purring at this point. Cas gently tipped his head forward to rinse out the shampoo. He knew he had to wrap things up here before they got out of hand. Dean had invited him into the shower with him, yes, but Cas was feeling incredibly aroused, and he refused to take advantage of the situation. He reached past Dean and turned the water off, ignoring the other boy’s wordless protest. He stepped out of the shower and threw a towel over his shoulders, then helped Dean climb out after him. Keeping his eyes fixed on Dean’s face, he wrapped a towel around his waist as delicately as he could, trying not to make any more contact than was strictly necessary. 

“Okay,” Cas said, stepping back and keeping his hands resolutely at his sides. “Warmer now?”

“Yeah,” Dean said. 

“Ready for bed?”

“Yeah,” Dean said again. “Thanks, Cas.”

“Of course, Dean,” Cas said, guiding the other boy to his room. “Goodnight. See you in the morning. Try to make it to the toilet if you have to puke in the middle of the night.”

Despite his difficulty staying upright, Dean had no trouble raising his middle finger to Cas. Cas smiled, glad to see that Dean was still acting like himself despite his drunkenness. It made him feel a lot better about the situation. He closed the door gently behind him and went back to his own room, turning off the light and crawling into bed. 

He tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable, but the memory of Dean’s naked skin under his hands was burning in his mind, making him restless. He chastised himself for sexualizing the situation, but how could he just ignore the fact that he had seen the object of his unrequited affection naked and wet? And drunk, and vulnerable, Cas reminded himself. 

A noise outside his door made Cas sit up in bed, squinting into the darkness. The door creaked open, and a familiar figure moved slowly into the room. 

“Dean?” Cas whispered. “What are you doing? Are you okay?”

“Cold,” Dean said briefly, and before Cas could react, he was sliding under the covers beside him.

Just when Cas thought the night couldn’t get any stranger. Now Dean was snuggled up in his bed like he belonged there. That was an extremely dangerous train of thought. Castiel shook his head firmly. 

“Dean,” he said again. 

The other boy flopped onto his side, facing Cas. “It’s cold, Cas,” he mumbled. “Warmer with you.”

Cas fought his rising panic. What if Dean was seriously sick? He should have warmed up by now. He cautiously placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder, but he felt warm enough. Dean murmured something under his breath and caught Cas’ hand in his own. Cas inhaled sharply. Dean’s hand was a bit on the cold side, but it didn’t seem out of the ordinary. He seemed well within the limits of average body temperature, so what was he doing in Cas’ bed, holding his hand like it was a lifeline?

And now Dean was tugging on that hand, trying to bring the two of them closer together. “Cold,” he repeated. His eyes were still closed. Cas bit his lip, trying to determine the best course of action here. Dean didn’t seem to be trying to instigate anything of a sexual nature. He just...wanted to cuddle? Cas knew that the other boy was surprisingly demonstrative in his affection, always clapping Cas on the back or hugging him in celebration or commiseration. If he really did just want to get warm, shared body heat was the best way to accomplish that task. And as long as Castiel kept his lustful urges in check, it really wouldn’t be that different from any hug they had shared before. 

Except that it would take place in bed, in a darkened room, for potentially the entire night.

Cas sighed and accepted his fate. He scooted closer to Dean, who immediately threw one arm across his chest and nuzzled his face into Cas’ shoulder. Cas lay perfectly still, adjusting to the feeling of Dean pressed so tightly against him. It was torture of the most wonderful kind. Dean was draped all over him, and Cas couldn’t deny that he had dreamed about falling asleep like this. He cautiously raised his arm, arranging it more comfortably over Dean’s, and tried to relax.

  


“Missed you tonight,” Dean mumbled, the words muffled by his position against Cas’ side. “Shoulda come with us.”

“Then who would be sober enough to look out for both of us?” Cas teased gently. 

“Dunno,” Dean said, yawning. “You wouldn’t get this drunk, though. Never do.”

“No, you’re right,” Cas agreed. “Neither do you, normally. What’s the occasion?” He wasn’t sure why Dean had suddenly gotten chatty, but he wasn’t going to stop him from talking if he needed to. He hoped nothing bad had happened to cause Dean to get this wasted.

Dean sighed. “Just kinda happened,” he said. 

“Why didn’t you just stay at Benny’s? You knew how cold it was out there.”

Dean made a disgruntled noise. “Benny had company for the night,” he said. “That Andrea girl he’s always going on about. I did not want to stick around for that.”

Cas felt a little smile stretch across his face, and he was glad that it was too dark for Dean to see it. Benny was hooking up with a girl? That shouldn’t have been as exciting to Cas as it was, but it assured him that there wasn’t anything going on between Benny and Dean. The part of him that had been jealous of Benny quieted down. 

“Besides, I missed you,” Dean said sleepily. That was the second time he had used those words tonight. Cas told himself that it didn’t mean anything. They spent a great deal of their time together, and it was natural that they would miss each other when they were apart, even if only for an evening. 

“Nobody else is as smart as you,” Dean continued. “Or as funny. Or as nice.”

“That’s very kind of you, Dean,” Cas said. “I really think you should try to get some sleep, though.” He needed Dean to stop talking. Otherwise he was going to say something that would really send Cas’ feelings spiralling out of control. 

“See, always looking out for me,” Dean said. “So good to me, Cas.”

“You deserve it,” Cas replied. And he did. Dean was wonderful. Even if he was making things very difficult for Cas right now. 

“Cas?” Dean said, but his tone was inquisitive this time.

“Yes, Dean?” Cas said. 

Dean tightened his arm across Cas’ stomach and exhaled against his neck. “Love you,” he said.

Cas froze. Even with Dean’s face pressed against him, muffling his words, there was no mistaking what he had just said. For all their closeness, neither of them had ever used those words before. And in the context of what Dean had just been saying… or was Cas just projecting? Assuming that the love Dean spoke of was romantic, just because that was what he wanted to hear? Well, there was one way to find out. Cas gathered his courage. “I love you, too,” he said. 

Dean didn’t answer.

“Dean?” Cas said tentatively. He waited a moment, but there was no reply. Then Dean let out a small snore. Cas dropped his head back onto the pillow with a low groan. Dean hadn’t even heard him. 

Well, there was no sense in agonizing over it now. They could deal with it in the morning. For now, Dean was in his bed and in his arms. Just like he had always wanted. Cas adjusted his hold on the other boy and drifted off to sleep, safe and secure.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean woke up slowly. He was warm, and comfortable, but something didn’t feel quite right. He opened his eyes, groaning as they adjusted to the brightness of the room. His head was pounding. He looked around and realized why he felt off. This wasn’t his room, or his bed. It was Castiel’s.

Well, at least he was in the right suite. Which meant he could get himself into the right bed pretty quickly, and without having to go outside. He shivered just thinking about it. Fucking winter. With the cold, and the wind, and the cold. Dean hated it. He laid there for another minute, letting himself adjust to being awake, then slowly got out of the bed. He didn’t remember coming in here the night before. He didn’t remember much after stumbling into the suite, actually. 

Dean walked out into the living area, and found Cas seated at the kitchen table, already hard at work on one of his study guides. Dean smiled fondly at him, impressed by his dedication. Then again, Cas hadn’t been out drinking the night before. 

“Good morning,” he said roughly. Cas looked up, startled, and then a small smile crept onto his face. It was a strange smile, one that Dean didn’t recognize. 

“Good morning, Dean,” Cas said, and there was a weird note in his voice as well. Shit. Was Cas mad at him about last night? Dean wracked his brain, trying to put together the jumble of images and snippets of conversation that he remembered from the night before. He remembered coming home, and then being in the shower... and Cas being in there with him? How the hell had that happened? And then Dean had woken up in his bed?

“I was wondering if you wanted to go out for breakfast,” Cas continued. And yep, there was definitely an uncharacteristic hint of hesitation in his voice. 

“God, no,” Dean said without thinking. “I am not leaving today. No more cold.”

Cas laughed. “Okay,” he said, “that’s fair. How are you feeling?”

Dean shrugged. “Head hurts a bit, and I’m missing major chunks of my memories from last night, but I’ll get over it,” he said. 

“Oh,” Cas said, looking down at the table. “What do you remember?” he asked, his voice neutral. 

Dean felt guilty for something he couldn’t even remember doing. Something was definitely up. Cas was never this careful with him. He always knew exactly what to say and how to say it. If he was being this cautious, Dean had clearly done something wrong. 

He cleared his throat. “Umn, leaving Benny’s. Getting here. A shower. And then I woke up in your bed,” he summed up. “That’s about it. Is there something important that I’m missing?”

A look of disappointment flitted across Cas’ face so quickly that Dean wasn’t sure if it was really ever there. “Nothing important,” he said softly.

But Dean knew something was wrong. And, of course, it was all his fault. Somehow, he had made Cas uncomfortable.

Christ, he really hoped he hadn’t come onto him. Cas was way too honourable to take advantage of anyone intoxicated, so Dean knew nothing would have happened between them, but what if he had suggested it? 

Drunk Dean wasn’t very good at thinking things through. At least not with his upstairs brain. And making a pass at his best friend slash roommate was exactly the kind of thing that his downstairs brain would be in favour of.

Because his best friend slash roommate was totally smoking hot. On top of being the most incredible person Dean had ever met. 

And Dean was completely gone on him.

It had taken him awhile to realize it. At first, he was just happy that his roommate was cool, and friendly, and that despite their different fields of study they still had common interests. They never ran out of things to talk about. Dean wasn’t used to having such a close bond with anyone but his brother, which might have been why it took him so long to understand that the way he felt about Cas was nothing like the way he felt about Sam. 

But in classic Dean Winchester fashion, it took Castiel going out with someone else for him to figure it out. Halfway through their second semester, Cas had landed a date with a fellow Lit student named Balthazar. Dean didn’t like him much - he seemed snooty, and his British accent sounded fake to Dean’s ears. But Cas was excited, and got all dressed up for the occasion. When Dean saw him with an excited smile on his face, wearing a bright blue button-down with his slim-fitting black slacks, he knew exactly how he felt about Cas. 

He was in love with him. 

Things didn’t work out between Cas and Balthazar, for which Dean was secretly grateful. But he never worked up the courage to tell Cas how he felt, either. They had a good thing going. And Cas had never demonstrated any interest in Dean, as far as he could tell. Just because they got along well and were both attracted to other men didn’t mean they had to get together, no matter what some of their friends seemed to think. So Dean pined in silence, and enjoyed the time he got with Cas for what it was instead of wishing for what it could be. 

Until last night. Maybe. Dean didn’t really know. And that was the problem.

“Cas,” he said hesitantly, “did I, umn, do something last night?”

Cas raised an eyebrow at him. “Other than climb into bed with me in the middle of the night complaining about the cold?” he asked.

Oh. So that’s what happened. Shit. Good friends didn’t just share beds, no matter how close they were. No wonder Cas was already out here studying. He had probably slept terribly, unused to sharing the cramped dorm bed with anyone else. Dean felt selfish. And dumb. And guilty. All of which were pretty standard for him, really. 

He groaned, dropping his head into his hands. “Really,” he said, half to himself and half to Cas. “Shit, Cas, I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable or ruined your night or whatever.”

“It’s okay, Dean,” Cas said reassuringly. He sounded more normal now. He had probably forgiven Dean already. He always did. 

“Okay, well, I’m gonna go sleep some more,” Dean said, feeling slightly awkward. “In my own bed this time.”

“Okay,” Cas said. “Feel better soon.”

“Thanks, Cas,” Dean said, and then retreated to his bedroom in shame. He threw himself into bed in an overly dramatic manner. He was such an idiot. Sure, it had been cold the night before, and Dean had made a stupid decision to walk home from Benny’s. He didn’t regret giving that homeless guy his hat and gloves, though. He needed them more than Dean did. But he should have just called a cab, or even walked to his parents’ house, which was only about half as far from Benny’s place as the dorms were. And yeah, the heating in their suite wasn’t always great, but it couldn’t have been that bad. There was no real reason for Dean to have gone crawling into Castiel’s bed. Other than the fact that he wanted to be there all the time, no matter the temperature.

Dean sighed and pulled the covers up over himself. His head still hurt. He needed a few more hours of sleep, and then maybe he could deal with this properly. 

\--------

When Dean woke up again a few hours later, he felt a lot better. His headache had disappeared, though he was a bit thirsty. He got out of bed and headed into the living area. He expected to see Cas still sitting at the table, working on his study guides, so he was surprised to see the room empty. Cas’ bedroom door was slightly ajar, so Dean poked his head in, but it was vacant as well. Apparently Cas had gone out. 

Dean’s good mood soured slightly. He had been hoping he could persuade Cas to take a study break, make him something to eat, anything to try to ease the lingering awkwardness between them. He sighed and looked around the empty suite. He didn’t have anything planned for the day, and with only one exam left, he didn’t really feel the need to spend the entire weekend studying. It was his easiest class, too. 

So Dean busied himself tidying up the room, knowing that Cas hated coming back to a messy suite after going away for the holidays. If they kept on top of cleaning up after themselves for the next few days, things wouldn’t get too bad, and then Cas wouldn’t have to worry about it. Dean felt virtuous about this plan. It was something he could do for Cas, for once. He often felt like their relationship was a bit one-sided, that he needed more support from Cas than Cas did from him. Cleaning was one thing that Cas hated doing, though, which always made Dean laugh. He was just happy to have a way to be helpful. 

Dean cleaned the entire suite from top to bottom, with the exception of Cas’ bedroom, and his roommate still wasn’t home. Dean frowned. Cas preferred to do his studying at home, especially during finals, claiming that all the people filling the library just contributed to a stressful atmosphere. Dean grabbed his phone and sent a quick picture of the clean living room with the caption “ _ready and waiting for you_ ,” hoping that Cas would come home if he knew that their living space was tidy. But Cas didn’t reply.

And he didn’t come home.

By eight o’clock that evening, Dean was starting to get a bit worried. He didn’t want to be disruptive if Cas was off studying somewhere, so he hadn’t sent any other texts, but he figured one more just to check in wouldn’t hurt. 

‘ _Hey Cas, you ok?_ ’ he sent. Not even two minutes later, his phone buzzed with a reply. 

‘ _Fine, studying, be home later_ ,’ Cas sent back.

‘ _Okay_ ,’ Dean replied. He didn’t know what else to say. Cas was normally a very long-winded texter, with full sentences and proper grammar and punctuation. Either he was incredibly stressed about his upcoming exams, or he was still pissed at Dean. Or it was some combination of the two, which was probably the most likely scenario. Either way, Dean felt awful.

Dean put down the phone and went into his room to get his textbooks. If Cas wasn’t going to be home anytime soon, then someone might as well use the table as a study space. So there he was, Dean Winchester, being responsible and studying at home on a Saturday night. He probably could have called some people, found somewhere to party, but after last night’s multiple disasters, he shuddered at the thought. Instead, he opened his book and began to review. 

Dean never heard Castiel come home that night, and by the time he woke up on Sunday morning, the other boy was gone again. The only indication that he had been home at all was his favourite mug sitting in the sink. Dean didn’t know what to do. He wanted to force Castiel to talk to him instead of running away, but Cas was stubborn. If he didn’t want to see Dean, he would find ways to not see Dean. And Dean suspected that it would work out better for him in the long run if he gave Cas the space he wanted. 

For now, at least. Dean just hoped this extended absence from home wouldn’t last much longer. He missed his friend. Roommate. Crush. Whatever Cas was to him. 

\---------

It wasn’t until Dean finished his exam on Monday afternoon that he saw Castiel again. It had been a laughably easy exam, and Dean finished it in just under two hours out of the allotted three. He knew Cas had written an exam that morning, and had sent him a text wishing him good luck. He hadn’t gotten a reply. So he was surprised to see Cas sitting at the table with his notes spread in front of him when he arrived back at the suite. 

“Hey, stranger,” Dean said, aiming to keep his tone light. 

Cas looked up, startled, and for a second he looked panicked. “Hey,” he said. “Is it after five already?” he asked, checking the time on his laptop.

“Nah, just after four, I finished early,” Dean said, removing his coat and sitting down on the couch. “How’d your exam go this morning?” He didn’t want to bring up Cas’ weekend-long absence, at least not right away. Better to at least attempt a normal conversation first. 

“Okay,” Cas said absently, already looking back at his computer and his books. “Just one more tomorrow and then one on Wednesday, but I’ve still got a lot to do. Sorry, Dean.”

Dean knew a dismissal when he heard one. He swallowed his disappointment at being denied a chance to finally talk to Cas. “Anything I can do to help?” he offered.

Cas looked over at him, and though he had a small smile on his face, it still looked sad. “No,” he said. “I’d appreciate quiet, but--” he shrugged. “Not much else.”

“Oh, okay,” Dean said, standing up from the couch. He hovered for a second, then headed for his room, shutting the door firmly behind him. Cas had never implied that he wanted to be alone to study before. If he needed complete silence to work, he would use the desk in his room rather than the table in the living area. So if the noise wasn’t the real issue here... then Dean was. 

Something else must have happened. It couldn’t just have been the fact that Dean invited himself into Cas’ bed the other night. He would have been over that by now, even if Dean had kept him awake. His sleep schedule would have evened out. No, there had to something more, something that would explain why Cas had avoided him all weekend, why he didn’t even want Dean in the same room with him while he was studying.

Dean was sick of not knowing what it was. He stormed out of his room, prepared to demand answers from Cas, to grovel and beg for forgiveness until all the tension between them cleared and things went back to normal. Except that Cas was gone. Again.

“Damn it,” Dean swore aloud to the empty room. How was he supposed to fix things if Cas never gave him the chance to figure out what he had done wrong? Obviously, Cas didn’t want to hear his excuses. Didn’t want to be anywhere near him. 

Well, there was an easy solution to that. Dean had been planning on waiting until Wednesday to go home, so that he and Cas could spend as much time together as possible before being separated for two weeks. But since it didn’t look like that was going to happen, Dean figured he might as well just get his dad to pick him up now. He would give Cas the space he obviously needed, and maybe, just maybe, by the time they saw each other again in the new year, they could talk. 

Dean hastily packed up his bag, sending a quick text to his dad to ask him to pick him up after work. As he was grabbing sweaters from his closet, he saw Castiel’s Christmas present sitting on the ground, all wrapped and ready to go. They had planned to exchange gifts on Wednesday. Dean had bought the gift, the twentieth-anniversary edition of The Golden Compass, earlier in the month. It was Cas’ favourite book, and Dean knew he would love it despite already owning a copy. Dean picked it up and deposited it on the kitchen table. Maybe it would help smooth things over between them. 

Dean grabbed his bag, turned off the lights, and locked the door behind him. Then he went down to the lobby to wait for his dad. When he saw the familiar shape of the Impala pull up in front of the building, Dean smiled despite his bad mood. 

His dad stopped the car and got out, giving Dean a brief hug. “Hey, son,” he said. He tossed Dean’s bag into the backseat and then offered him the keys. “You wanna drive home?” he asked with an indulgent smile. John Winchester was the only person who loved the Impala almost as much as Dean did.

“Hell yeah,” Dean said, taking the keys and sliding behind the wheel. The Impala’s steering wheel felt perfect under his hands, comfortable and familiar. Dean started the engine and headed for home, vowing to leave his moodiness over Cas behind for the duration of his holidays.

“How did your exams go?” John asked as they drove. “Last one was just today, right?”

“Yeah,” Dean said, keeping his eyes on the road. “They were okay. Pretty evenly spaced out, so I had plenty of time to study.”

“I thought you weren’t coming home until Wednesday,” his dad continued. 

Dean shrugged slightly. “Got bored. Cas is busy studying, lots of other people are doing the same or have already left for home. Might as well eat Mom’s cooking rather than the crappy cafeteria food, you know?”

John laughed. “She’ll be pleased to hear that,” he said. “She’s always worrying that you’re not getting enough to eat. You look okay to me, though. Not wasting away or anything.”

Soon they were pulling up in front of the Winchester family home. Before Dean even put the car in park, the front door was flying open, and his brother was dashing out to meet them. Dean got out of the car with a grin on his face. At least somebody was happy to see him.

“Dean!” Sam exclaimed, throwing himself into Dean’s arms. “You’re back early!”

“Missed you,” Dean said, hugging his little brother tightly. And it was true. Despite the four year age gap between them, the two brothers had always been close, and even after a year and a half of living in the dorms, Dean still wasn’t quite used to not seeing Sam every day.

“Wow, that was weirdly nice,” Sam said, pretending to be surprised. “Who are you and what have you done with the real Dean Winchester?”

“College teaches you all sorts of things, Sam,” their dad commented as he brought Dean’s bag inside. “Maybe some stern professor finally taught Dean here the value in expressing himself.”

“Or maybe he’s just my sweet boy,” Mary said, catching the tail end of the conversation as they all came into the house. “Hi, Dean. I’m so glad you’re home.”

“Me too, Mom,” Dean said, stepping forward into her embrace. He was a total mama’s boy and unashamed to admit it. His mom was awesome. 

“Pie’s in the oven,” Mary said with a wink. “Pecan. I whipped one up as soon as your dad told me you were coming home tonight.”

See? Awesome. “You’re the best, Mom,” Dean said. “I’m gonna go dump my stuff.”

Sam followed him up the stairs to his former bedroom. His parents hadn’t changed anything, so there were still old Star Wars posters on the walls and cheesy sci-fi paperbacks on the bookshelves. Dean looked around the room fondly. It was good to be home, even if he wasn’t thrilled about the circumstances that had prompted his early return. 

“How’s Cas?” Sam asked. Of course he wanted to know. Cas had spent most of the shorter holiday breaks with the Winchesters over the time he and Dean had been roommates. He and Sam got along great, which only added to the list of his positive attributes in Dean’s mind. 

“He’s good,” Dean replied, trying not to let any of his confused feelings about Cas show in his voice. “Still studying, you know? Figured I might as well leave him in peace.”

“I can’t wait for college,” Sam said dreamily. Dean snorted. What a nerd. The kid was only in his sophomore year of high school, and he was already looking forward to college. And not for the parties or the freedom, but for the actual schoolwork. 

“You’re such a weirdo,” he said affectionately, messing up Sam’s increasingly shaggy hair. His brother scowled at him, but it was more reflex than anything else. 

“Come on,” Sam said, “dinner should be ready soon.” 

He led the way back downstairs, and Dean followed. He had a good dinner to look forward to, and then freshly-baked pie. Maybe this time away from Castiel was exactly what he needed. Maybe, if he tried hard enough, he could finally get over his romantic notions, and go back to thinking of the other boy as just a friend. 

\--------

On Wednesday, Dean sent Cas a text wishing him a safe flight home. Cas replied with a brief ‘ _thanks_.’

Then there was silence between them for nearly a week.

On Christmas Day, Dean was surprised to see that Cas texted him first. ‘ _Merry Christmas, Dean_ ,’ the message read. ‘ _Thank you for the book, it’s wonderful. Check your mail today._ ’

Dean re-read the message. It was nice, but strangely impersonal. At least Cas had reached out in some way, though. That was enough to give Dean hope. During a lull in the Winchester Christmas celebrations, he went outside to check the mailbox and found a small package tucked inside. He carried it back indoors with him, but he didn’t return to the living room. He brought it up to his room to open it in privacy.

There was a card attached to the package, so Dean tore open the envelope and read that first.

_Merry Christmas, Dean! I know you scoff at the way people use the term ‘literature’ the same way you do at people who say ‘film’ instead of ‘movie,’ but I think you’ll appreciate this. I expect at least one dramatic reenactment of a monologue. -Cas_

Mystified, Dean tore open the wrapping paper to reveal his gift. Turned out Cas had gotten him a book too. _William Shakespeare’s Star Wars_? Dean grinned as he scanned the description on the book. It did look pretty funny. And even the cover art was pretty badass. Dean loved it. Cas knew him so well. 

He sent a quick thank you text to Cas, then went back downstairs to join his family. Maybe things were starting to look up. It was a Christmas miracle. 

But then Cas never replied to that text, and they were back to not speaking.

Dean couldn’t figure it out. They usually texted like crazy whenever they were apart. He debated calling Cas, but he still didn’t want to push him. And he would prefer to have any serious conversation face to face. 

So it wasn’t until New Year’s Eve that Dean worked up the courage to text him again. He took a silly photo of himself and Sam wearing those little paper crowns that came in Christmas crackers, Dean holding a can of beer. ‘ _Wish you were here_ ,’ he captioned it.

A few minutes later, a reply came through. It was a picture of Castiel, wearing a truly awful sweater vest, making an exaggerated sad face at the camera. ‘ _Me too_ ,’ he wrote. Dean grimaced. He knew New Year’s Eve was Cas’ least favourite holiday, because it involved getting together with his entire family. The Novaks weren’t as bad as they could be, Dean supposed, but they definitely weren’t great. They had high expectations for Cas, and hated it when he did anything that they considered rebellious or reckless. Which, in Dean’s opinion, meant pretty much anything fun. Cas’ mother Naomi was a dentist who spent long hours at the office, and his father Chuck was a writer who was more interested in the lives of his characters than he was in his own son. It made Dean mad to know that Cas’ parents didn’t appreciate him, because Cas was awesome, and deserved way better. 

‘ _Fake an upset stomach_ ,’ Dean suggested. ‘ _Go hide out in the bathroom._ ’

‘ _Good idea_ ,’ Cas sent back. ‘ _They’ve started asking if I’ve met any nice girls lately. Well. Father has. Mother is trying to be supportive and is asking about nice boys. Preferably ones who are pre-med._ ’

‘ _Yikes_ ,’ Dean wrote. As much as he felt bad for Cas, having to put up with those kinds of questions, he was thrilled just to be talking to him again. Even if it was a bit of a lesser-of-two-evils kind of situation for Cas, talking to Dean just to avoid spending time with his parents. 

“Is that Cas?” Sam asked, craning his neck to see the phone screen. “Say hi for me.”

“Jesus, Sammy,” Dean said, shielding the phone from his snoopy little brother’s eyes. “What if there was something risqué on here?”

Sam made a face. “Gross, Dean,” he said, then his expression cleared. “Wait, are you saying you and Cas are having risqué conversations? Are you guys dating?” He looked way too invested in the answer for Dean’s liking.

Dean scoffed. “No, we are not dating,” he said. Sam just stared at him. Dean groaned and thunked his head back on the couch cushion behind him. “I don’t know what’s going on with him,” he admitted. It felt a bit weird to be talking about this with his fifteen-year old brother, but Sam was a smart kid. And he would call Dean on his bullshit.

“I got really drunk, the last Friday of exams,” Dean explained. “Walked home from Benny’s in the cold. And then the next morning, I woke up in Cas’ bed.” 

Sam looked partially horrified, but still intrigued. “Nothing happened, though, obviously,” he said. “Cas would never take advantage of you like that.”

“Exactly!” Dean said. “Thank you. But then when I woke up, he was acting all weird. I tried to ask him if I did anything, and he said no, but he still looked kind of mad. I thought maybe I messed up his sleep or whatever. But then he avoided me the entire weekend. And basically asked me to leave on Monday so he could study.”

“Is that why you came home early?” Sam asked shrewdly. “I knew it wasn’t just because you missed me.”

“Okay, fine, yes,” Dean admitted. “We’ve barely talked all break. I don’t know what to do, Sammy.”

Sam pursed his lips and stared into space for a second, then, moving faster than Dean would have expected, he grabbed Dean’s phone and started typing.

“Sam, what the hell are you doing,” Dean said, frantically trying to pry the phone from his brother’s grasp. 

“Saving your friendship,” Sam retorted. “There.” He handed the phone back to Dean with a pleased grin.

Dean looked down at the message thread between himself and Cas. ‘ _Can we talk when we get back to school?_ ’ Sam had sent. ‘ _I know things have been weird. I miss you._ ’

Dean frowned. While nothing in the message was strictly untrue, it wasn’t exactly the type of thing he would normally say. He was impressed, however, when a reply came through almost immediately. ‘ _Yes please,’ Cas wrote. ‘I miss you too, Dean._ ’

Dean let out a low whistle. “Sam, you’re a genius,” he said, flipping the phone around the show his brother the results of his meddling. 

Sam smirked. “Don’t be dumb, Dean,” he said. “You and Cas are best friends. You’ll work this out.”

“What if,” Dean said, then stopped. He had never told anyone how he felt about Cas. Not Charlie, not Benny, not anyone. But Sam was radiating support and concern, and his advice had worked out pretty well for Dean so far. He took a deep breath. “What if I don’t just want to be friends with him anymore?”

“Oh,” Sam said softly. “You do have a thing for him, huh? I suspected, but I wasn’t sure.”

“Do you think he knows?”

“Absolutely not,” Sam said firmly. “Dean Winchester does not pine in silence. You chase after things. Usually. So this is atypical for you. I don’t think Cas would have any reason to think you like him as more than a friend. So if you want to let him know, you’re going to have to use your words.”

“And do you think, maybe, he feels the same way about me?” Dean could barely hope that was the case. Just the thought of being with Cas made him dizzy with happiness. 

“I honestly don’t know,” Sam said, looking apologetic. “But I know that you need to talk to him. About that night, and that weekend, if nothing else. You don’t have to try to make your friendship into something more, Dean. But you can’t let it slip away either.”

Dean knew that his brother was right. So he picked up the phone and wrote out another message. ‘ _We’ll talk when we get back. Happy New Year, Cas._ ’

‘ _Happy New Year, Dean_ ,’ Cas wrote back. 

“And now we wait,” Sam said calmly. 

“Easy for you to say,” Dean complained. “I’ve got like four more days of this.”

“Good,” Sam replied. “Plenty of time for you to think about what you’re going to say.”

Dean reached over and gave his brother a light shove. “Thanks, Sammy,” he said gruffly. 

Sam smiled at him. “You’re welcome, Dean,” he said. “Maybe, if this all goes well, Cas can spend next Christmas with us.”

“Maybe,” Dean said wistfully. He couldn’t deny that he liked the thought of Cas being with them for all their future holidays, being fussed over by Mary, bickering over TV shows with John, and just hanging out with Sam and Dean. Snuggling up with Dean under the blankets, falling asleep while watching old holiday movies.

Dean wanted that. Badly. But not so badly that he would risk his entire friendship with Cas over it. His first priority had to be fixing this awkwardness. This was not the time to go ruining it with a declaration of feeling that could send Cas running for the hills. Dean could keep quiet about his crush, as long as it kept Castiel in his life.


	3. Chapter 3

Cas spent his entire Christmas break miserable and missing Dean.

To be fair, that was representative of every other instance they were separated for such a long stretch of time. But this time was different, because they weren’t in constant communication. And that was entirely Cas’ fault, and he knew it.

He still didn’t like it.

That first Saturday morning, when he woke up with Dean sleeping beside him, Cas had never felt happier. Unable to fall back asleep, he had crept from the bed, already daydreaming about the moment Dean woke up and came to greet him, maybe with an absent-minded kiss to the top of his head.

But then Dean did wake up, and he didn’t remember anything. 

Didn’t give any indication that he was aware of the shower they had shared, or more importantly, his drunken confession of love. It was like a punch straight to Cas’ gut. If Dean didn’t remember saying that he loved him, how deep could those feelings be? The whole thing could probably be blamed on the alcohol and the cold weather. 

The only saving grace was that Dean obviously didn’t remember Cas saying that he loved him too. That would have been unbearable, having to listen to Dean gently explain that he loved him as a friend or a brother, but not in the same way that Cas did. 

So Dean didn’t remember, but Cas did. And now he was stuck having to pretend that nothing was wrong, that their entire friendship hadn’t been shaken to its core. That was easier said than done, hence his near-immediate and near-permanent retreat to the library over the next few days.

Poor Dean was so confused by his behaviour. Cas knew it, and felt terrible about it, but he didn’t know what else to do. Everytime he looked at Dean, he felt like his heart was breaking all over again. And all the little ways Dean tried to apologize only made things worse. Cas knew that Dean had cleaned the suite so he wouldn’t have to worry about it on top of his exams, and it was that kind of thoughtfulness that made it so difficult for Cas to get over him. Dean was wonderful. Sure, he could be crass, and sometimes he played his music too loudly, and he occasionally made distasteful remarks, but he was the best person that Cas knew. 

When Cas had decided that he wanted to get a tattoo last year, it was Dean who went with him and held his hand and talked him through the pain. And then, being Dean, got one of his own at the same time. Not that they matched or anything like that, but still. Every time Cas traced the lines of Enochian script on his hip, he thought of Dean.

And he missed him terribly. But he was trying to use the time and space between them to re-evaluate his feelings, to tell himself over and over again that they were just friends, until hopefully he believed it. He was delighted by Dean’s Christmas gift, and he hoped Dean felt the same about his. 

Dean’s New Year’s message made him smile more genuinely than he had in weeks. He really did wish he could be with the Winchesters instead of with his own large and overly stiff family. He loved Sam like his own younger brother, Mary was always warm and welcoming, and John treated him as just another young man to teach about cars and sports. Unlike his own mother, who always criticized his clothing choices, and his father, who only cared about his grades. He mostly stuck to hanging out with his sisters. Anna was always happy to have him back so she could use him a model for her sketches, and Hael, who wanted to be an architect, always liked bouncing ideas off him. But Cas still wished he was back at school. His family’s house didn’t really feel like home anymore.

And then, miracle of miracles, Dean suggested that they have a proper talk once they were back at school. Dean almost never wanted to talk. Even when he desperately needed to, Cas always had to coax and cajole him into opening up. So if Dean was willing to express himself so bluntly for once, the subject had to be important to him. Cas had to be important to him. Even if not in the way that Cas wanted. 

So, they would talk. And Cas would do whatever it took to fix their friendship, because it was the most important relationship in his life, and he wouldn’t let one night of lowered body temperature and lowered defenses ruin it forever.

\-----------

Cas arrived back on campus before Dean did. It was too quiet in their suite for Cas’ liking, so he headed out to the small coffee shop just a few buildings over. It wasn’t too busy, since not all the students were back from holidays yet, and Cas was pleased to see Charlie behind the counter.

“Hey, Cas!” she greeted him enthusiastically. “How was your vacation?”

Cas smiled at her. “Good,” he replied. “Just got back.”

“I got back yesterday, and here I am, back to the grind,” Charlie sighed.

Cas raised an eyebrow at her. “Pun intended?”

Charlie laughed. “Nice,” she said appreciatively. “What can I get for you? It’s on the house.”

“Just a mocha, please.”

“Whipped cream?”

“Definitely.” Cas deserved a treat for making it through his weeks at home intact.

“Haven’t seen you in awhile,” Charlie said as she prepared his drink. “What’s new and exciting in your life?”

Cas debated how much to tell her. On the one hand, Charlie was an excellent listener, and would probably be able to give him some good advice about the whole Dean situation. But on the other hand, she was arguably closer to Dean than she was to him, and he didn’t want to make her feel like she was torn between the two of them. 

So he just shrugged. “Nothing much,” he said.

Charlie didn’t look like she believed him, and judging by the amount of whipped cream and chocolate syrup she poured on top of his drink, Cas clearly looked like someone in need of liquid comfort. Apparently this rift between he and Dean had taken a toll on him.

“Thanks, Charlie,” he said softly, reaching out for his mocha.

She smiled encouragingly at him. “Keep your chin up,” she advised. “It’s a new semester. Time for a fresh start.”

“And what about you?” he asked. He didn’t want to make their entire interaction about him and his problems. “Anything new and exciting?”

Charlie pondered the question for a second. “Well, I got into a bunch of upper-year classes by special permission,” she said with a grin. “The profs for the sophomore-level courses can’t handle me.”

Cas grinned at the thought of Charlie’s poor beleaguered Computer Science professors not knowing what to do with her level of skill. “Good for you,” he said. “You’ll be teaching the classes for them before long.”

“And then someone else will have to make you your mochas,” Charlie said, pretending to be upset at the thought.

Cas took a quick glance behind him and saw that the cafe was starting to fill up. “I should go,” he said regretfully. “Thanks again for the drink. And the advice.” He wished he was brave enough to ask Charlie how things were going with Dorothy, but he thought the question would be too pointed. Charlie would see right through him and immediately know that he had ulterior motives in asking her about her roommate-with-benefits.

“Later, Cas,” Charlie said with a bright smile.

Cas turned away and found a small table in the corner to enjoy his drink. He didn’t spend long at the cafe, just sipped at his mocha and observed the other students laughing and chatting and catching up with their friends. He felt a bit lonely, sitting there on his own, but it was better than being in the dorm room by himself. Once his coffee was finished, however, he had little reason to stay any longer, so he waved goodbye to Charlie and headed for home.

Their classes started up again the next day, and he figured Dean was going to spend as long as possible at home before returning to campus. So he was surprised to hear the door opening around four o’clock that afternoon, only about an hour after he got back from the cafe. 

He took a deep breath and went out to the living room just in time to see Dean enter, pulling off his coat and hanging it up in the closet. 

“Hello, Dean,” he said. It was both thrilling and piercing to see him again. He looked wonderful, his hair just a touch longer, a hint of stubble along his jaw that Cas wanted to feel against his own. But no. Those kinds of thoughts were what got them into this mess in the first place. 

“Hey, Cas,” Dean replied, with that endearingly lopsided grin. 

And then he did something unexpected, and stepped forward to pull Cas into a tight hug. Cas froze at first, but then brought his arms up and returned the embrace. This was completely normal, he told himself. They hugged all the time, and it made perfect sense to do so after being apart for two weeks. But he made sure to pull away before the hug went on for too long, keeping it friendly rather than anything else. 

“Was your flight okay?” Dean asked, settling onto the couch. He left his bags abandoned in the doorway. Cas liked the implication that their conversation was his first priority, so he sat down beside Dean, curling into the couch with one leg drawn up beside him.

“Fine,” he said. “Even if it gets a bit rough, I always enjoy the flight that takes me away from my family.”

Dean made a face. “That bad, huh?”

Cas shrugged. “The usual. Castiel, what on earth are you wearing? That’s a horrid shirt. Castiel, how’s that GPA doing? Not slipping, are we? And a lot of boring dinners and stilted conversations.”

Dean shook his head. “Sucks,” he offered. “Bet you’re glad to be back, then, huh.”

“Definitely,” Cas said. “Look, Dean--”

Dean held up a hand to cut him off. “Please, Cas,” he said, unusually hesitant. “Can I go first?”

Cas nodded. Maybe this would be a good thing. It would help to hear what Dean was thinking, so he could tailor his words to fit the situation as necessary.

Dean laughed nervously. “I practiced,” he admitted. “So I wanna get this out.”

“Okay,” Cas said. “Go for it.”

“I’m sorry,” Dean said, and the earnestness in his voice was matched by the open expression on his face. “I know I weirded you out when I came home that night. You were already stressed about your exams and then I went and forced you to take care of me like some dumb kid who’d never had a drink before. And then made you uncomfortable by crawling into bed with you. Probably kept you up half the night. It was weird, I know, and I wish I could remember why the hell I thought it was a good idea at the time so I could explain myself properly.”

“You were cold,” Cas said. “Simple as that.”

Dean shook his head. “Yeah, and the usual solution to being cold is to put on more layers, not to go snuggle up to your best friend.”

Right. So there it was. Dean didn’t remember their strange shared shower at all, probably because there was no reminder of it the next morning. Cas almost wished he could forget it. The memory of Dean naked and wet, so close to him, was pure torture. But he wasn’t going to mention it now. As he had hoped, Dean’s apology had given him a way to excuse his own behaviour without admitting his true feelings about that night or about Dean. 

“I’m not mad about it,” he said carefully. “I don’t know how to explain it, really, but I guess I was just worried about you.”

“Worried about me?” Dean asked, confusion etched on his features. “Why?”

“You were pretty out of it when you got home,” Cas continued. “I don’t think I’d ever seen you like that before. Between the drinking and the cold…”

“I scared you,” Dean said, understanding dawning on his face. “Shit. I’m sorry, Cas.”

“You don’t have to keep apologizing.” Cas forced a laugh. “I was afraid that something was wrong, you know, to have made you drink that much and everything. And then come seeking comfort with me. But then you didn’t remember anything, so I figured it was mostly okay, but I was still so stressed about my exams…”

“And you couldn’t worry about both me and your grades at the same time,” Dean supplied. Cas winced. He knew this would be a good cover, and he should have been happy to see how easily Dean accepted it. “So what, it was easier to just be elsewhere?”

“Pretty much,” Cas said weakly. He had dug himself into this hole, might as well keep digging now. “And then I avoided talking to you all break because I felt selfish for focusing on my studies instead of on you.”

“Hey, no, don’t say that,” Dean protested. “I’m fine, Cas. I just let loose a little too much, that’s all. I know it’s way after the fact, but I promise, nothing bad happened to make me hit the bottle a little too hard. And even if there was, you don’t have to apologize for taking school seriously. It’s just who you are, and then with all the pressure your parents put on you…”

“Yeah,” Cas said. “Okay. I’m glad you’re okay, Dean.”

Dean smiled at him. “I’m just fine,” he said gently. “Actually, I’m better than fine, now that we got all this bullshit cleared up. I missed you, man.”

“I missed you too,” Cas replied. He felt incredibly relieved. Things were working their way back to normal between he and Dean. So he hadn’t told him the truth about the night. Who would ever know? Nobody else had witnessed that bizarre chain of events, and if Dean hadn’t remembered it by now, how likely was it that he ever would? There was no point in mentioning the fact that Dean had pulled him into the shower with him, or that he had told Cas that he loved him. Eventually those memories would fade from Cas’ mind and it would be like that night had never even happened.

Dean grinned at him, clearly over the whole caring and sharing part of their reunion. “Wanna play some Mario Kart?” he asked. 

Cas returned the grin. “You’re on,” he said. 

\-----------

The first week of the new semester passed in a flurry of figuring out new schedules, calculating the best routes between classes, and listening to professors read the syllabus out loud even when every student had a copy in front of their eyes. Cas didn’t mind it, really. It was a good way to ease back into things after two weeks away. He liked most of his new courses, and he was starting to recognize a lot of familiar faces in his lectures. It was nice to feel like part of a community rather than just being one more name on a class list. 

And things between he and Dean were still good. Their schedules didn’t sync up particularly well, but neither of them had any evening classes, so they could still eat dinner together in the cafeteria and then retreat to their shared room to hang out. Dean was always excited at the start of a new semester, telling Cas all about his professors and the projects he would be working on. Cas loved listening to him talk about that stuff, even when he didn’t understand half of it. And Dean always seemed interested in whatever Cas had to say about his classes as well. 

By Friday evening, Cas was really looking forward to pizza night. It would be a good way to prove that things were back to normal with he and Dean, that their traditions wouldn’t be ruined by the last disastrous Friday they had spent together. He had finished class at four o’clock, so he was just waiting for Dean to get home after his own class let out at five. Of course, the universe had decided that today would be the coldest day of the week, but pizza night was sacred. They would brave the weather as they always did. But Cas would make sure they were both well-bundled up before venturing outside.

The door scraped open, and Dean entered the suite, brushing snow off his coat. “Why is the weather always the worst on Fridays?” he complained.

“I was just thinking the same thing,” Cas said from his spot at the table. “It’s like someone is trying to discourage us from going out for pizza.”

Dean snorted. “Well, they’re not trying nearly hard enough, then,” he said, kicking off his boots and coming to sit on the couch. “No amount of bad weather is going to stand between me and my pizza.”

“Let me know when you’re ready to head back out,” Cas said. “I was just waiting for you.”

Dean hummed and tipped his head back, putting the long lines of his neck and throat on display. Cas felt his eyes drawn to the exposed skin like a magnet. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop the desire swelling in his body. Dean was just so unfairly attractive. How was Cas ever supposed to get over him when he sat around looking like that?

Dean slowly opened one eye, catching Cas’ gaze. “You staring at me?” he asked lazily.

Cas tried not to blush. Impossible. He couldn’t control his body’s reactions that way. “Just trying to determine if you’d fallen asleep,” he said. 

“Nah, I’m good,” Dean said, rolling off the couch in an effortlessly fluid movement that made Cas’ breath catch in his throat. “You ready?”

“Yeah,” Cas said, still distracted. He stood up and began putting on his winter gear, grateful for something else to do other than look at Dean. “Let’s go.”

“So, big plans for the weekend?” Dean asked through his chattering teeth as they walked over to Amelio’s. “It’s only the first week of the semester, perfect time to not have to worry about homework for once.”

“That’s true,” Cas said. “But no, I don’t have anything planned. Do you?”

Dean grinned. There was a snowflake stuck to his cheek. Cas wanted to brush it away, to turn the touch into a caress. But he kept his hands firmly at his sides.

“Nah,” Dean said carelessly. “You know me, I prefer to go with the flow. I’ll see what’s going on and if anything is happening, but I’m not exactly eager to go get trashed again, you know?”

“That’s reassuring,” Cas said. And it was. He didn’t care about the fact that Dean liked to party, or that they were underage, but it was good to know that Dean was going to take better care of himself in the future. 

They arrived at Amelio’s and had to wait a few minutes for a table to clear, which was unusual. They were seated about fifteen minutes later, and Garth swung by to take their order.

“Hey guys,” he said cheerfully. Garth said everything cheerfully. Cas wondered what he sounded like when he wasn’t at work, if his sunny disposition carried over into his regular life. “Have a good break?”

“Yeah, but we missed this place, huh Cas?” Dean said. 

“Definitely,” Cas agreed. 

“The usual?” Garth asked.

“You know it,” Dean replied. “Thanks, Garth.”

“Coming right up,” Garth said, and moved on to his next table.

Dean drummed his hands on the table. “Busy in here tonight,” he commented, taking a look around.

“It’s always busy,” Cas said. “Though I was surprised that we had to wait for a table to open up.”

“We should just have a standing reservation,” Dean joked. “Every Friday night, table for two. Except that we don’t always come at the same time.”

“And they don’t take reservations,” Cas said absently. He was distracted by what Dean had said. They already essentially had a standing date for Friday night, but the thought of making it official enough to reserve a table…that was generally something that couples did. Cas imagined himself and Dean, years down the road, both working demanding but satisfying jobs. They would have a standing reservation at a well-loved restaurant, someplace cozy like this but with fewer students and more bottles of wine. It was a lovely daydream, but it would never happen. 

Their pizza arrived, and both boys dug in with enthusiasm. Some nights they had a few slices left over to take home and eat later that night or the next day, but Cas was pretty sure this was not going to be one of those nights.

  


“God bless Amelio’s,” Dean said, his eyes closed with pleasure as he chewed.

“Amen,” Cas replied fervently. He ate his half of the pizza more slowly than Dean, savouring every bite. Garth came around to take their empty plates, and teased them about their appetites.

“Hey, we had two weeks without this,” Dean protested. “We’ve gotta make up for that somehow.”

“We sure are gonna miss you boys when you graduate,” Garth said.

“I’m sure there will be plenty of other hungry college students to take our place,” Cas said drily, prompting a laugh from Dean. 

“Yeah, but you’re my favourites,” Garth grinned, then left. 

Dean stared after him. “That was so sweet,” he said, putting his hand to his chest. “I’m touched.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “Are you sure it’s not just heartburn?”

Dean threw his napkin at Cas, but he missed, and it fell to the floor beside him. Cas stuck his tongue out at Dean and bent to retrieve it. As he straightened back up, he noticed a pair of black women’s boots, paused by their table. He looked up and saw an unfamiliar girl talking to Dean.

She was distressingly pretty. And she seemed to be on good terms with Dean.

“Oh, hey, Cas, this is Lisa,” Dean said when he saw Cas sit up. “Lisa, this is my roommate, Castiel.”

“Hi,” Lisa said, offering him her hand to shake along with a bright smile. “Nice to meet you.”

“You as well,” Cas said, shaking her hand politely. “Are you from the Engineering program as well?”

“God no,” Lisa laughed. “I’m a Physiology major. But I ended up working at the coffee shop in the Engineering building. That’s where I met Dean.”

So she was friendly, attractive, and provided Dean with caffeine. No wonder Dean was looking at her with such affection in his eyes. Cas felt sick. He needed to get out of there. 

“Hey, you guys doing anything tonight?” Lisa asked. “A couple of us are having a movie night at my friend Amelia’s place. Nothing crazy, but you’d be more than welcome.”

“Sounds fun,” Dean said. He looked over at Cas. “What do you think?”

“I’m a bit tired,” Cas said, faking a yawn. “I think I’d just fall asleep as soon as a movie started.”

“He’s awful like that,” Dean said in a mock-whisper to Lisa. She giggled, but there was no malice in it. 

“I think I’ll just head home,” Cas said, throwing some money on the table and gathering his things. “Nice to meet you, Lisa. I’m not in the Engineering building often myself, but if I am, I’ll drop by for a coffee.”

“Cool,” Lisa smiled. 

Cas looked at Dean, who was studying him intently, as though trying to figure out why Cas had turned down what sounded like a perfectly pleasant evening. “See you later, Dean,” Cas said, turning away to hide his expression. 

“Bye, Cas,” Dean said. But he didn’t try to convince Cas to come with them, so Cas left. Once he was outside, he looked back in through the window and saw Dean helping Lisa into her coat. He choked back the tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes, and began the walk home. 

He was in sight of the dorm when he heard footsteps rapidly approaching behind him. Cas whirled around, thinking he was about to be attacked, and almost punched Dean in the face.

“Woah there,” Dean said, bringing his hands up defensively. “It’s me, Cas.”

“What are you doing here, Dean? Did you forget something?” Cas asked. Why oh why couldn’t Dean just let him wallow in his misery?

“I was worried about you,” Dean said, his voice soft and concerned. “You seemed kinda off, so I told Lisa I’d catch up with her later and came to check on you. What’s going on, man?”

Damn it. Cas knew he hadn’t been convincing enough in his excuse not to go out. Dean had seen right through him. It was true that Cas often did fall asleep during movies, but it was barely after seven o’clock. It was way too early to use tiredness as a way to get out of a social event. 

“I just wanted to give you some alone time with Lisa,” he said. There. That sounded like something a good friend would do, right? Support his friend’s pursuit of a pretty girl?

Dean just frowned at him. “We were going to hang out with a bunch of her friends,” he said slowly. “Alone time was never really on the menu, Cas.”

Oh. Dean had a point. Cas shrugged. “Well, I didn’t want to be in the way,” he said, hoping that Dean would drop the subject and go back to Lisa, even if her friends would be with them for the evening. 

“In the way of what, Cas?” Dean asked, starting to sound a bit frustrated. 

Cas gave him a flat look. “Of you and Lisa,” he said, wondering why Dean was having such a hard time getting the picture. 

“Me and Lisa,” Dean repeated. “Oh. No, Cas, it’s not like that.”

“It’s okay, Dean,” Cas said, trying his best to be supportive. “You don’t have to worry about ditching me on pizza night. We already had our time, now you go. Lisa seems great. Very pretty.”

“Why are you so convinced that I’m into Lisa?” Dean asked. He really did look confused. 

Cas’ patience was wearing thin. “Because you look at her the way I wish you would look at me!” he snapped. 

Dean’s face went pale. Oh no. Why had he said that? Shit shit shit. Cas frantically tried to come up with some way to salvage the situation, but it was too late. There was no way Dean could misinterpret that statement.

“Cas,” he said, reaching out a hand towards him, but Cas smacked it away. He didn’t want Dean’s pity. 

He let out a noise that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob, scrubbing his hand over his face. “You weren’t supposed to know,” he said. “I never meant for you to know.”

“It’s okay,” Dean said soothingly. “I promise, it’s gonna be okay.”

“No it isn’t!” Cas exclaimed. “Unlike you, I can’t blame my stupid declaration of feeling on being drunk and then forget it ever happened!” Might as well go for broke, he figured. Since they were being so honest right now.

“What are you even talking about?” Dean said, clearly frustrated. “Cas, I don’t know what’s going on.”

“Of course you don’t,” Cas muttered. “Because I never told you. Because just thinking about it hurts too much. That night, our last Friday before break? You want to know what really happened?”

“I have no idea why that matters now, but yeah, Cas, I do,” Dean said. 

Cas took a deep breath. “You came home, and you were so drunk, and so cold,” he said bitterly. “So I made you take a warm shower, but you were basically falling over, so I tried to keep an eye on you, and you pulled me into the shower with you.”

“So that wasn’t a dream!” Dean said. Wait, what? Why would Dean be having dreams about the two of them in the shower together? 

Cas shook his head and continued talking. “So after that, things got even weirder. We both went to bed. Our separate beds. And then you came into my room, cuddled up in bed beside me, and we had a little chat about the evening. And then--” he faltered. 

If he told Dean what he had said that night, Dean would tell him in no uncertain terms that his declaration of love had been a mistake, or that it hadn’t been romantic in tone. Cas would never be able to pretend that it was something more. But maybe that was for the best. 

“You told me you loved me,” he said quietly, unable to meet Dean’s eyes. “And I said it back. But then the next morning--”

“I didn’t remember anything,” Dean replied softly. 

Cas nodded, still not looking at the other boy. He watched the snowflakes drift lazily towards the ground instead. Suddenly, he felt a warm hand on his face, and he looked up, startled. 

Dean was holding his face tenderly in one hand, his thumb brushing lightly over Cas’ cheekbone. Cas brought his own hand up over it, as if checking that it was real. 

Dean chuckled lightly. “I am so, so sorry,” he said, looking directly into Cas’ eyes. “For ever making you doubt the way I feel about you.”

“What are you talking about?” Cas asked, entranced by the feeling of Dean’s hand on his face, the seriousness in his green eyes. 

Dean smiled gently at him, eyes crinkling up at the corners. “I love you,” he said. “Not like a friend, not like a brother. I love you, Cas. I have for a long time.”

Cas pulled Dean’s hand away from his face and took a small step back. Dean looked hurt, but gave Cas his space. “Do you mean it?” Cas whispered. He was having difficulty breathing.

“Yeah,” Dean said. “I mean it. I’m sorry I was too afraid to say anything until now. I just didn’t want to ruin our friendship, and I didn’t even let myself hope that you would ever feel the same way.”

“How could I not?” Cas said, choking back a hysterical laugh. “Dean, you’re the most incredible person I know. How could I not love you?” The idea of not loving Dean was ridiculous to Cas. It felt like a building-block of his personality, like part of his identity was formed around his affection for the other boy.

Dean shrugged sadly. “I thought I pissed you off that night,” he explained. “I was so afraid that I had done something, made a move on you or whatever, and that was why you were avoiding me, because you didn’t know how to let me down easy.”

“I was avoiding you because being around you hurt too much,” Cas admitted. “I told myself that you were drunk, that you didn’t mean it. But I couldn’t pretend that it never happened. Unlike you.”

“I wish I remembered,” Dean said with a little laugh. “And a shower together? Jesus. That must have been incredible.”

“That’s one word for it,” Cas muttered under his breath, but Dean heard him, because he gave him a little wink.

“How about this, then?” Dean said, stepping closer to Cas again. Cas didn’t move away this time. He stayed perfectly still. “I love you, Castiel Novak. I’m not drunk. I’m going to remember this tomorrow. I swear. And I’m never going to stop saying it. I love you.”

Cas let out a breath. “I love you too, Dean,” he said. And this time, he knew Dean heard him, because his face lit up with a breathtakingly beautiful smile.

So of course, Cas did the only thing one could reasonably be expected to do in that situation, and kissed him.

Dean let out a small noise of surprise, but he got on board pretty quickly after that, wrapping his arms around Cas and kissing him back. His lips were cold, but they soon warmed up. Cas kissed him until he was dizzy from it, finally drawing back when he needed to breathe for fear of passing out.

Dean was still smiling as he chased Cas’ lips with his own, his mouth moving slower now, more sweetly. Cas felt like a Harlequin romance heroine, swooning in his lover’s arms. Dean was a fantastic kisser, of course. But it was the pure affection in his touch that really made Cas tremble.

Or maybe he was just shivering from the cold.

He pushed Dean away slightly, but when he saw the other boy frown in confusion, he kissed him again, just to bring the smile back to his face. “It’s freezing out here,” Cas explained. There was another snowflake on Dean’s cheek, and this time Cas did reach out and brush it away. Dean leaned into the touch, rubbing his face against Cas’ hand like an oversized cat. God, he was cute.

“Let’s go inside,” Cas suggested. “As picturesque as it is out here, I would like to not get frostbite.” 

“Okay,” Dean said, reaching down to take hold of Cas’ gloved hand. “It is getting kind of cold. But don’t worry,” he winked, “I know a couple of ways we can warm back up.”

Cas felt a slow smile creep across his face. “I look forward to it,” he said in a low voice, loving the way it brought a blush to Dean’s face. “And this time,” he said, leaning forward to speak directly into Dean’s ear, “I’ll make sure you don’t forget a single second of it.”


	4. Chapter 4

They stumbled up the stairs to their floor, stopping to kiss a few times. Fortunately the stairwell was deserted. Not that Dean cared if anyone saw them, but he didn’t want anyone else intruding on these precious moments between he and Cas. 

This was definitely not how he had expected the night to turn out, but he was not complaining. Not at all. Not when he finally had Cas in his arms, giggling one second then sighing dreamily the next when Dean ran his lips delicately across the shell of his ear. They needed to get to their room, fast. 

Cas fumbled with his keys, trying to open the door while Dean slowly sucked a mark onto his neck. 

“Dean,” Cas moaned. 

“Yeah, babe?” Dean said, lifting his head from the other boy’s neck. He hadn’t meant to use the pet name, it had just slipped out, but he found he rather liked the sound of it.

Cas used those few uninterrupted seconds to get the door open, making a triumphant noise as it swung inwards and he dragged Dean in after him. Dean allowed himself to be pulled inside, then kicked the door shut behind him. He hoped no one came to investigate the source of the noise. Oh well. He had more important things to focus on right now.

Like the way Cas was looking at him like he wanted to devour him. It was a good look on him. 

Dean grinned, slowly unbuttoning his coat, watching the way Cas’ eyes followed his movements. 

“So,” he said, shrugging out of the sleeves, “I had a thought.”

“I had a few thoughts,” Cas replied in a tone that Dean had never heard from him before. “All of them filthy.”

Dean’s grin grew wider. “Great minds think alike,” he said, dropping the coat on the floor and gesturing for Cas to do the same. “Seeing as it is once again freezing cold out there and we’ve both been out in it for way too long, I was thinking…”

“Yes, Dean?” Cas asked, his coat joining Dean’s on the floor. There was no way they were going to waste time hanging them up.

Dean shrugged. “I think we should go for a repeat of that shared shower,” he said. Cas swallowed, his eyes going wide, and before Dean could say anything, he was pulling him into the bathroom and trying to tug both of their shirts off at once. Christ, Cas was fierce in his want. It was insanely hot. As much as Dean wanted to just stand back and let Cas do what he wanted with him, he also wanted them naked as soon as possible. So he started pulling his clothes off as well.

And then they were naked, and Dean was reaching for Cas, but he had already turned away to start the shower. So Dean contented himself with admiring the long lines of Cas’ body, the breadth of his shoulders and the mouth-watering muscles in his thighs. He crossed the room and stepped under the spray, not caring about the temperature, and pulled Cas in beside him. Then he crowded him up against the tiled wall and kissed him like it was their last night on earth. Cas moaned into it, wrapping his arms around Dean’s waist and bringing their bodies into contact from head to feet. It felt incredible. Dean didn’t think he’d ever felt anything so amazing. 

“Better than last time?” he asked cheekily, drawing back to look at Cas. The other boy’s eyes were dark with desire, and he was slightly out of breath. He looked like Dean’s biggest fantasies brought to life. 

“Much better,” Cas said, slowly dragging his hands over Dean’s back. Dean shuddered. His back was surprisingly sensitive, and as soon as Cas picked up on that, he increased the pressure just slightly, making Dean increasingly vocal in his appreciation. “I get to touch you, this time,” Cas continued, mouthing his way across Dean’s collarbones. “Other than washing your hair, I mean.”

“You washed my hair?” Dean asked, a warm feeling blossoming in his chest that was more than just lust. 

“Yes,” Cas said, sliding his hands up Dean’s back and tangling them in the wet strands, tugging slightly. “But not this time.” He used his grip on Dean’s hair to bring their mouths back together, kissing him with an intensity that surprised Dean. Not that Cas was some sort of blushing virgin or anything, but he was normally a fairly even-tempered kind of guy. This lack of restraint was unusual for him, which only made it hotter, in Dean’s opinion. He happily surrendered to Cas’ control.

They kissed for a few more minutes, and Dean could feel Cas’ erection pressing against his thigh. He debated shifting position slightly to bring both their cocks into contact. They could rub against each other, just like this, until they came. Dean moaned at the thought, but he was also feeling kind of greedy. He wanted more. 

“Cas,” he panted, tearing himself away from their kisses. “I gotta know, man. Those filthy thoughts you were having…”

“Don’t end here,” Cas said smoothly, reaching over to turn the water off. “Dean, if you’re agreeable, I would really like to continue this in bed.”

Dean nodded enthusiastically, stepping out of the shower and grabbing them a few towels. They dried each other off as best as possible, and Cas had the forethought to grab an extra towel to put on the pillow so their hair wouldn’t get it too wet. Dean smiled at that. He loved how thorough Cas was. And it boded well for what was about to happen.

They paused in the living room, and Cas looked at him inquiringly. 

“My place or yours?” Dean joked. Cas rolled his eyes and walked into Dean’s room, dropping the towel from around his waist as he did. Dean stood there, transfixed by the sight of Cas’ ass as he walked away from him, them quickly caught up, losing his towel as he went. He entered his room just in time to see Cas laying out on his bed like he belonged there, completely at ease with his nakedness. Dean swallowed roughly and took a moment to admire the view. Cas’ hair was still damp from the shower, making it even darker than usual, and his skin still carried a hint of a summer tan that made it glow against Dean’s white sheets. Dean’s eyes travelled down the length of his torso, admiring the sharp cut of Cas’ hipbones and the way his tattoo emphasized them, before settling his gaze on his cock, hard and flushed between his legs. 

Dean couldn’t help himself. He needed to touch Cas again. He crawled onto the bed and straddled the other boy, leaning down to kiss him deeply. This position finally brought their erections into contact, and they both moaned at the feeling. Dean slowly rocked his hips forward, increasing the pressure, and their kisses grew sloppier and less coordinated as they focused on the other point of contact between them. 

Suddenly Dean found himself flipped onto his back with Cas poised above him. Shit, that was hot, Cas changing their positions with no effort whatsoever. 

Dean grinned up at him. “Hi,” he said huskily. 

“Hi yourself,” Cas whispered, then brought his mouth down to Dean’s chest, closing over one nipple. Dean let out a noise somewhere between a whine and a moan, making Cas laugh. Dean could feel the vibration of it against his chest. “Sensitive?” Cas asked teasingly, using his hand to stroke lightly over Dean’s other nipple, and then trace the lines of his tattoo. 

“Just a little,” Dean gasped. 

“Good,” Cas said, lowering his mouth again. Dean wrapped his hands in Cas’ damp hair, letting his own head fall back against the pillow as he reveled in the sensations. This was even better than he had always imagined it would be. 

Speaking of his imagination...Dean was pretty firmly in favour of equal opportunities in the bedroom, but with the way Cas had been acting so far, his mind and body were both screaming at him to get this guy inside of him, and soon.

“Cas,” he said again, pulling him up so they could look at each other. “I want you to fuck me.” 

Cas’ answering grin was downright feral. He leaned down and kissed Dean. “Happy to oblige,” he said. He reached over into the bedside table and retrieved the bottle of lube and condoms that Dean kept hidden there.

“How did you know--” Dean started to ask, but stopped at the look on Cas’ face. “Okay, yeah, I guess it’s pretty obvious,” he conceded. Cas smiled at him, slicking up his fingers. He kissed Dean again, holding his face with one hand while the other drifted between his legs, just rubbing lightly. Dean moaned and arched into the touch. It had been awhile, and Cas’ hand felt so good on him. 

Slowly, Cas eased one finger inside, letting Dean’s body adjust. “You’re beautiful,” he said, sounding surprisingly shy for a guy with a finger up Dean’s ass. “I’ve always thought so, from the first day we met.”

Dean could feel himself blushing. “You too,” he said. “Wanted you for so long, Cas.”

“You have me,” Cas said, adding a second finger. The stretch felt incredible, prompting another groan from Dean. He didn’t think he’d ever been this loud in bed before. But it had never mattered this much before, either. 

Cas’ fingers brushed against his prostate, and Dean shuddered. “Good?” Cas asked, just a hint of smugness in his voice. 

“Shut up,” Dean mumbled. “You know it’s good.”

So Cas did it again. And again. Dean’s hips were snapping off the bed, trying to get more friction, chasing the feelings. Cas took advantage of this to slide a third finger into him, and Dean let out an unholy noise. 

“Fuck,” he breathed out, as Cas steadily thrust his fingers in and out. “Cas, please,” he said, shameless in his desire. 

“Please, what?” Cas asked. His voice was calm, but Dean could see that he was fighting hard to stay steady. He wasn’t as unaffected as he was trying to look. “It took a lot of working through communication issues to get us here, so I think you need to say it, Dean.”

Okay then. Dean wasn’t opposed to begging if it got him what he wanted. “Please, Cas,” he said, “fuck me.”

Cas dropped a kiss to Dean’s chest, right over his heart. “Of course,” he murmured into his skin. His fingers withdrew, leaving Dean feeling empty. He closed his eyes, luxuriating in the adrenaline coursing through his body. He could hear the sound of Cas tearing the condom packet open, and then Cas’ hands were on him again, gently spreading his legs further apart so he could settle between them.

“Open your eyes, Dean,” Cas said. “I want you to look at me while I fuck you.”

Dean did as he was told. He met Cas’ eyes, bright blue even in the dimly lit room. “Do it,” he said.

Cas lined himself up and pushed inside Dean torturously slowly. He kept his eyes locked on Dean’s the entire time, and it made everything feel ten times more intense. He bottomed out inside him, and Dean took a shuddering breath. Their bodies fit together like they were made for each other. 

“So good, Cas,” he said. “God, so good.”

Cas began to move, thrusting steadily in and out, quickly establishing a rhythm. “Fuck, Dean,” he sighed. “You’re perfect.”

“Yeah, babe,” Dean said dreamily, matching his thrusts with the movement of his own hips. “Feel so good inside of me.”

Cas shifted slightly, and in doing so, came into contact with Dean’s sweet spot again. Dean moaned. “Right there,” he said brokenly. He reached down between them to stroke himself in time with Cas’ thrusts. 

Cas looked down and exhaled shakily at the sight. “Yes, Dean,” he panted out. “Touch yourself for me. I want to see you come.”

Dean stroked himself faster, overwhelmed by the feeling of Cas inside him, the reassuring weight of him above him. He felt surrounded by Cas in the best sense of the word. “Gonna come, Cas,” he said, feeling himself getting close.

“Yes, Dean,” Cas growled, increasing his pace. “Do it. Come for me.”

Fuck, Cas looked wild, his cheeks flushed, his eyes dark, and his hair a mess. Two more strokes of his hand and Dean was coming, head falling back onto the pillows with the force of his orgasm. Cas drew in a sharp breath at the sight. He muttered something that might have been a curse or might have been Dean’s name, and then stiffened above him, spilling into the condom. 

Dean lazily ran his hands down Cas’ sweaty back, basking in the afterglow. Cas shuddered under the touch, and slowly pulled out of Dean, collapsing half beside him, half on top of him. 

Dean laughed. “You okay there, champ?” he asked.

Cas looked up at him, his eyes going soft and fond. “I’m wonderful,” he said. 

“Yeah, you are,” Dean replied, dropping a quick kiss on his cheek. “That was amazing.”

“Mmn-hmn,” Cas said, nuzzling into the space between Dean’s neck and his shoulder.

“But we should probably get cleaned up,” Dean said. Cas groaned and clung more tightly to Dean, heedless of the mess between their bodies. Dean chuckled, slowly disentangling himself and grabbing the towel that had been on the pillow. He used it to wipe them both down, then threw it into a corner of the room. He’d pick it up when he got their coats off the floor in the doorway, their clothes off the bathroom floor, the towels from the living room…

“We are such a cliché,” he said. Cas looked up at him and frowned. “The clothes all over the floor,” Dean explained. “Like every bad rom-com I ever saw.”

Cas shrugged. “As long as this is the happy ending, and not the middle part where they think they’re happy before something else goes wrong, I don’t mind being a rom-com cliché,” he said.

“Well, I’m good with the happy part, but I don’t want it to be the ending,” Dean said, wrapping his arms around Cas and pulling him into his chest. Cas settled in, placing his head on Dean’s chest and one arm around his waist. “We’ve still got lots to look forward to.”

“After we nap,” Cas said, yawning widely.

“After we nap,” Dean agreed. He tightened his grip on Cas, and let himself drift off to sleep.

\--------

Dean woke up to the sound of his phone ringing. He reached out a hand to grab it off the bedside table, but then realize the sound was too faint to be coming from there. It was probably still in his jeans, which were presumably still abandoned on the bathroom floor. They could call back. He looked down and saw that Cas was stirring as well, obviously woken by the noise. 

“Sorry,” Dean said, smoothing Cas’ dark hair back from his forehead. 

“It’s okay,” Cas said sleepily. He blinked up at Dean, and smiled slowly. “Hello, handsome,” he said. 

“Hello yourself,” Dean grinned, leaning down to kiss him gently. He could definitely get used to waking up like this. Cas made a contented noise and kissed him back, keeping it light and teasing, without the urgency from earlier in the night. 

“I love you,” Cas breathed out, pulling back to look Dean in the eye as he said it. 

Dean felt like his heart might explode, he was so happy. “I love you too,” he said, trying to put all of his affection and devotion into that one short phrase. It must have worked, because Cas beamed at him like he had given him the sun, the stars, and the moon all at once. 

“I wish I’d been brave enough to say it sooner,” Dean continued. “We missed so many chances.”

“It’s okay, Dean,” Cas said. “I didn’t say anything either. I thought about it, so many times, but I kept thinking about what you said when Charlie and Dorothy started sleeping together, about the potential for things to go wrong, and it seemed safer to just keep what we had, rather than risking it all.”

“Jesus, if only I’d known how much that one little comment would haunt me,” Dean said. 

“Well, thank goodness for my jealous streak, I suppose,” Cas said with a smile. “If I hadn’t been so upset about thinking you were interested in Lisa, we might never have ended up here.”

Oh, right. Dean hadn’t even gotten around to telling Cas the best part of that whole situation yet. “You know she thought we were together, right?” he said.

Cas pushed himself up on one elbow so he could look down at Dean. “What?” he asked, confusion evident in his voice.

Dean laughed. “Lisa. She thought you and I were together. Before I chased you down, she was asking me how long we had been together, et cetera. I told her it wasn’t like that, and she was so surprised.”

“Oh,” Cas said, and now he just looked embarrassed. “Oh, no, Dean. I’ve been having such uncharitable thoughts towards her, and she was really just being friendly and inviting us over under the assumption we were together? She wasn’t just trying to get with you?”

“I’m pretty sure she has a boyfriend,” Dean laughed, and Cas looked even more ashamed. “Oh my god, you really do have a jealous streak. That’s adorable.”

“Shut up,” Cas mumbled. 

Dean couldn’t help himself. He was enjoying the situation too much. Now that they had figured everything out between them, the circumstances that led them here seemed a lot funnier. 

“Stop laughing at me, Dean Winchester,” Cas said, smacking him with a pillow. 

“I’m sorry, babe, I can’t help it,” Dean said. 

“I don’t think you understand how difficult it is to be silently pining for someone like you, Dean,” Cas said. “Everywhere we go, everyone stares at you. I can’t blame them, of course, but still.”

Dean stopped laughing. There was a note of genuine hurt in Cas’ voice that he didn’t want to hear ever again. “I’m sorry,” he said. 

“And yes, I know you dated other people, hooked up with even more, but I just wanted you to myself,” Cas said softly.

“You’ve got me,” Dean said, drawing him close. “I swear, Cas. You had me for a long time, at least in the ways that mattered. And hey, if it makes you feel any better, I can one hundred percent look back and say part of the reason I disliked Balthazar so much was because I was jealous.”

Cas looked slightly mollified by this information. “Just of him?” he asked, raising one eyebrow.

“And Hannah, and Meg, and even that other dude, Bart?”

“Bartholomew,” Cas corrected. “Hmn. I suppose that does make me feel a bit better. But I maintain that it’s not the same, because I’ve never been stopped by a random stranger and asked to take a selfie with them just because I’m so good-looking.”

“That only happened once!” Dean protested. Some girl, probably not much more than Sammy’s age, had come up to them at the mall when they were shopping for a birthday present for Charlie and asked if she could take a picture with Dean. Dean, confused, had asked why, and through her giggles, the girl explained that he was “like, really hot” and it would impress her friends. Dean had shrugged and done it. It didn’t cost him anything, and it made her happy. But now Cas was trying to use that against him?

“It’ll probably happen again,” Cas said. “You are unfairly attractive, Dean.”

“Oh, yeah, such a burden for you,” Dean rolled his eyes. “Please, Cas, how can I make it up to you?”

Cas looked like he was about to say something, and then stopped. There was a wicked gleam in his eyes. Dean sat up. He liked that look. 

“I’m sure you can think of something,” Cas said, reaching out and tracing the shape of Dean’s lips with his index finger. So naturally, Dean opened his mouth, and licked at Cas’ finger. Then he sucked it fully into his mouth. Cas breathed in sharply, and Dean smirked. He pulled back, sliding out from under the covers, and kneeled on the floor beside the bed, still naked. Cas caught on pretty quickly, clever boy that he was, and sat up, arranging his legs on either side of Dean.

This position put Dean just about level with Cas’ midsection, which was a good place to be. He reached out and traced the letters of Cas’ tattoo, enjoying the way it made Cas’ stomach muscles tense in anticipation. Then he leaned forward and pressed a light kiss right over the ink, making Cas gasp softly. 

Dean made sure to maintain eye contact with Cas as he carefully wrapped his hand around Cas’ cock, keeping his grip loose. Cas bit back a moan, and Dean smiled. He stroked him lightly a few times, getting him fully hard, before leaning forward and taking him in his mouth. Cas did make a noise then, a beautiful pleased sigh that Dean wanted to hear over and over again. He took him in as far as he could, then pulled back slowly, still looking up at Cas through his eyelashes.

“You look amazing like this,” Cas said, reaching down to run his hand through Dean’s hair. 

Dean leaned into the touch and hummed around Cas’ cock, loving the weight of it on his tongue. Cas’ breathing was getting a bit unsteady now, so Dean redoubled his efforts, flicking his tongue over the head, using his hand on what he couldn’t fit in his mouth. Dean had always enjoyed going down on people, the way it could make them fall apart, but this was just incredible. Cas was so vocal in his appreciation, which only reinforced Dean’s enthusiasm. 

“Dean,” Cas gasped, “I’m close.”

Dean didn’t stop, didn’t pull back, and a few minutes later, Cas spilled into his mouth with a low groan, his hand tightening in Dean’s hair. Dean worked him through it, until Cas pulled away, oversensitive. Dean sat back on his heels, feeling very pleased with himself. He was, however, distractingly hard, so he reached down to take himself in hand. Cas made another sound, but he didn’t reach for Dean. He just stared at him, hungrily, as Dean stroked himself to climax, coming hot and white over his own hand. 

Dean let his head fall forward onto Cas’ thigh, and he felt the other boy’s hands smooth over his shoulders, grounding him with his touch. 

“Come on,” Cas said, pulling him up. “Let’s go get cleaned up. Again.”

Dean followed him to the bathroom, where they cleaned themselves off with the last of their towels. “We’re going to have to do laundry,” Dean commented. 

Cas shrugged. “We can also just wear a lot less clothes around the place now,” he pointed out. 

Dean laughed. “I like the way you think,” he said.

Since they were already there, they picked up the clothes they had abandoned on the floor in their earlier haste to get naked. They also hung up their coats and grabbed the towels off the living room floor, putting everything in its proper place. Then they split up briefly to change into pyjamas before reconvening on the couch.

“Who was calling earlier?” Cas asked, sitting with his back against the arm of the couch. He pulled Dean down so he was sitting between his legs, back against Cas’ chest, then wrapped his arms around him.

“Oh, yeah,” Dean said. He had already mostly forgotten about the phone call. He grabbed his phone and checked. “It was Sam,” he announced. “Didn’t leave a message though, so it can’t be anything too important.”

“You should text him to make sure,” Cas said. Dean thought it was cute how much Cas cared about Sam. He liked knowing that Sam had someone else to look out for him.

“I’ve got a better idea,” Dean said. “You know how over Christmas, I texted you asking if we could talk when we got back?”

“Yeah,” Cas replied. “What about it?”

“That was actually Sam,” Dean laughed. “Little sneak took my phone and sent you that message after I spilled my guts to him about how I felt about you and how much I missed you.”

“Really?” Cas said, craning his neck to look Dean in the eyes. “That actually makes a lot of sense. I thought it was odd that you were so direct with me, but it produced a desirable result, so I didn’t overthink it.”

“Hey,” Dean protested. “I am capable of expressing my feelings. Sometimes.”

“When you’re begging me to fuck you, yes,” Cas nodded. “I still have yet to see little evidence of it at any other times.”

“Rude,” Dean muttered. But he still opened his phone’s camera app and pointed it at the two of them, pressing their faces together to take a selfie. At the last minute, Cas turned and kissed his cheek, and that was the picture that Dean sent to Sam, along with the message ‘thanks Sammy.’

It was mere seconds before Sam replied, reduced to a string of emojis that made Dean snort with laughter. “I think this mean he’s happy for us?” he said, showing the message to Cas.

“That would be my interpretation, yes,” Cas said. 

“Well, now what?” Dean asked. “We already did the dramatic confrontation, the making up, the informing the family. Sort of.”

“I think we just keep on the way we always have,” Cas suggested. “Except with more sex.”

“That sounds perfect.”

“And, maybe--” Cas hesitated. 

Dean twisted around to look at him, but Cas wouldn’t meet his gaze. “What, Cas? Maybe what?”

“Maybe if I can finally convince my parents to let me move off-campus, we can get an apartment together,” Cas said.

Oh, yeah, Dean liked the sound of that. They’d lived together this long, but the arrangement of their suite made it seem like they were roommates who now just happened to be in a relationship. But in their own place, it would be clear that it was theirs, not because the housing committee had drawn their names out of a hat at the same time, but because they wanted to be living there together. They could have a real kitchen, a shower with better water pressure….one big bed for the two of them to share every night.

“That sounds awesome,” Dean said fervently. 

“I think so, too,” Cas said. “Now I have to get my parents to agree to it.”

“Are they gonna give you shit about me?” Dean asked. He didn’t want to cause any trouble between Cas and his family. His parents were aware that Cas was bisexual, but they were also kind of stuck up. Dean wasn’t exactly the kind of guy they probably wanted to see their son settle down with.

Cas shrugged. “I don’t really care,” he said, “but no, I don’t think so. Mother will be impressed that you’re so handsome. Father will interrogate you, but I’m sure you can win him over.”

“Well, at least you know my family already loves you,” Dean said reassuringly. “And my mom can charm anyone. If you let her talk to your parents, I’m sure they’d agree to us getting a place together.”

“That’s actually a really good idea,” Cas said, smiling at him. “I just want to be with you, Dean. No matter what.”

“I want that, too, Cas,” Dean said. He let his head fall back onto Cas’ shoulder, closing his eyes. He wasn’t tired, but it was so comfortable, lying here in Cas’ arms, that he thought he might fall asleep again anyways. 

“Dean?” Cas said.

“Yeah, babe?” Dean said absently. 

“You know every Friday night is going to be like an anniversary for us now, right?” 

Huh. Dean supposed that was true, though he was never the type to celebrate anniversaries other than the first month, and the six-month if they made it that far, and... okay, well none of his relationships had lasted longer than that. But with Cas? Damn right Dean wanted an excuse to celebrate him. 

“Does this mean we have to start going to fancy places with tiny portions of food?” Dean groaned. 

“Of course not,” Cas said, sounding upset at the very thought. “I was just thinking that we should start getting an extra pizza to take home with us, because we’ll be having lots of extremely athletic, calorie-burning sex on those nights and we’ll need our energy.”

See, that right there? That was why Dean was so gone on this guy. 

“Don’t ever change, Cas,” he said.

So yeah, pizza night was a good tradition. But from here on out, Dean was pretty sure that it was only going to get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! 
> 
> If you're so inclined, you can find me on [tumblr.](http://pomegranatedaffodil.tumblr.com/)
> 
> The art masterpost for this story can be found [here.](http://izulkowa.tumblr.com/post/150075685386/we-finnaly-got-it-all-right-link-later-for)
> 
> Also, be sure to check out all the other wonderful fics from this challenge. I've had the most amazing experience being part of it.


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